Several years ago a 5th grade student joined our program. He was shy, did not have friends, and was not doing well in school. For the first two or three months he never left my side. Some teachers thought he needed to be pushed, encouraged to do more, helped to get involved. They felt that it was “bad” for him to just be with me all the time and not interact with other kids or “do something” in the program. “He’s not ready” I said again and again. “This is what he needs to do for now.” Then one day, without a word from me, he left my side and joined the other kids. From there, everything changed. He became an active participant in the program, friends with kids of all ages, and close to the teachers. He thrived. And soon his work in school improved. He left 8th grade and was accepted to an excellent private school for high school.
I have witnessed this kind of story many times with students who are not ready to interact with others, or do their homework, or manage in a group meeting or in a classroom. The tendency is for teachers to push, to expect, and to worry. Why is she not playing with other kids? Why can’t he sit through a group meeting or behave in the classroom? Why can’t she do her homework? Why does he like to sit alone and read or play quietly? Again and again the question is asked – Why is he/she not doing the cookie cutter thing?
B. was having a lot of trouble with school. He had learning issues and was not able to do his schoolwork. Although his homework was modified, he refused to do it. No strategy helped. He was literally fleeing from his work. He would not participate in any activity and was being rude and disrespectful to adults. We finally decided that he needed a different “starting place”. We’d forget homework and focus on building his confidence. We stopped mentioning homework to him. He did not take out his books and we said nothing. We invited him to do fun activities while other kids did homework. At first he was wary. He kept mentioning his work. Then things started changing. He learned Tinkercad (3-D printing). He created a great film about the program. He opened a “store” and recruited others in his grade to work with him. He emerged as a leader. We all laughed that he was going to be the CEO of a large business. His behavior changed. He was a child who knew his value. He was ready to be a learner in school.
What is important is understanding that we need to look at a child and see what we can ask of him at a particular moment in time. What is a good “starting place”?
ChildrenCan 